


AstronautFace

by chanwing, Tallywagger



Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 04:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6688987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanwing/pseuds/chanwing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallywagger/pseuds/Tallywagger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The family gathers around and talks about their future goals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AstronautFace

It was a sunny afternoon. Nathan and Pickles just gathered the family in to the living room. They were a tad bit worried about where their children were going to end up in the future, so Nathan and Pickles decided to sit them down and hear their life wishes.

Nathan isn't much of a speaker, so he opened his journal and decided to left Pickles ask the questions while Nathan writes the answers.

“Okey, kiddos! We love ya and wanna help you guys get ta yer life goals. What you wanna be when you grow up?”

Toki was the first to speak. He excitedly gasped “I wanna be a toy maker!”

Nathan quickly scribbled 'Corporate Slave'.

Skwisgaar scoffed, immediately shutting Toki up. “I ams want to be fashions designer.”

He opened his eyes and stared back down at the angry Toki, laughing at his face.

The room went silent. Everyone stared at Murderface, ready to hear his answer.

Murderface crossed his arms, took a deep breath, and confidently spoke. “I'm going to be an astronau-”

“No.”

Murderface was immediately cut off by Nathan.

“Why not?!”

“Because you're too fat.”

Murderface then shot up from his seat, red and steaming. “FUCK YOU, I'M RUNNING AWAY!”

“GOOD.” Skwisgaar chimed in.

Pickles pinched the bridge of his nose, turning his attention to Toki to play with him. He wasn't surprised and couldn't care less. This was almost a weekly occurrence in the household.

Murderface pulled an old tattered army duffle bag from the hallway closet, already filled with necessities. He slung it over his shoulder and stared back at his family.

“I'M DOING IT. I'M REALLY DOING IT THIS TIME!”

“Fines! Goods! Go!” Skwisgaar was only instigating.

Nathan stared at his fat son from the couch.

“I'M REALLY DOING IT.!”  
Murderface directed his attention to Nathan. They both exchanged glances with each other

“FUCK YOU!” Murderface swung open the door and charged in to the backyard. Nathan got up, but instead of dragging Murderface back inside, he closed the door and shut the blinds. He was completely fed up with his overweight son's behavior.

Nathan and Pickles both peeked from behind the blinds, watching their fat middle child struggle trying to pitch a tent. They almost felt sorry for the child, but when he started banging on the backdoor to let him back in, they were quickly reminded why they were annoyed.

Two hours passed, and Nathan decided to check up on their fat son again. The opened the blinds, only to see a fleshy blob sobbing in to a can of uncooked spaghetti-o's underneath a broken tent. They couldn't help but smile at the mess of a human before them. It was great entertainment.

About three more hours passed by. The family was watching TV in the living room when Murderface decided to “sneak” in through the window. He tried to be quiet, but he was just making a loud mess with every breath he took. Nathan and Pickles weren't surprised. They just ignored him.

He stood behind them, shouting at them “You guys wouldn't last a minute in the streets, unlike me!”

They continued to ignore him, so he loudly spoke again. “I'm a real warrior. You're all just bitches. I lasted through the tough times. I was homeless.”

Pickles had enough of this. He decided to try to become the voice of reason. What ever it took to get this tub of lard to shut the fuck up. “Okey, Murderface, you were literally in the backyard for only five ho-”

“FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!”

Murderface stormed to his room before Pickles had the chance to verbally respond. He pulled a small army patterned notebook from underneath his pillow and began to write while emotionally crying.

'Dear Journal, they just don't understand me. I do all this hard work. I do my chores (he pushes them on to Skwisgaar), I cook (pushes this on to Toki), clean. Get good grades (he literally does none of this) but they just don't treat me with the respect that I deserve. I can't wait to run away (he doesn't have the balls to run away) I hear in Mexico, they have this city of gold or some shit. I could be their ruler! One day I will, but I will fight for a few more days. I'll show these assholes what a true genius I am! FUCK THEM!'

Unable to write anymore without crying on the page, Murderface threw his journal at the wall and rolled over in his bed to sleep.

A few hours passed and two figures appeared at his door, silently whisking the journal away from the room. Moments later, two voices filled the hallways with laughter. Toki and Skwisgaar then replaced the diary back to where they found it.


End file.
